tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post6023591835528165566..comments2023-11-02T19:46:44.577+11:00Comments on Fumbling Towards Geekdom: Random Bullets of CancerStyleyGeekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10287051608503966129noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-20051260468719914742007-05-22T09:35:00.000+10:002007-05-22T09:35:00.000+10:00re: first: I also meant to say my new saying. On...re: first: I also meant to say my new saying. One of Brightstar's favorite sayings is "It's not stalking if it's mutual." Well, leading from that is, "It's not oversharing if you have a blog!" That is, I would argue there is no such thing as oversharing if you have a blog. <BR/><BR/>re: third: I'm pretty sure Jim Carrey epitomizes all americans - so she was likely quite spot on.<BR/><BR/>re: fifth: okay, but make sure you use those muscles for good, not for evil!<BR/><BR/>re: sixth: so? Can't he swim? <BR/><BR/>re: seventh: still, you may well be up for sainthood in a few days. You might consider slipping something into her beverages - perhaps scotch, valium, sleeping pills, vicodin, etc. Again, no jury of your peers would convict you.<BR/><BR/>By the way, birds here are not nearly as friendly as they are in Aussieland! I went up to a bird today and said "Hi! What're you doin'?" And he flew away! Maybe it's cuz I also called him fat, but I meant it in a really good way - I like a bird with a fat tummy!<BR/><BR/>And here's another story: I saw a video of a cockatoo who was a pet (poor baby!) here in the US. I guess he got a time out or something, and was put out on the porch - and the thing had a huge tantrum. He was really funny because he kept hopping up and down.<BR/><BR/>I bet Stinky, Mr. Scruffers, and Flappy really miss you! Maybe they'll have a parade when you get home.shrinkykittenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02621222815636493783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-50285920801772173732007-05-22T00:16:00.000+10:002007-05-22T00:16:00.000+10:00Will be thinking of you...Oh...and...God bless mom...Will be thinking of you...<BR/>Oh...and...God bless moms, because somedays, if God weren't doing the blessing...who would be????AShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18306812116989881072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-1179694006504893792007-05-21T19:45:00.000+10:002007-05-21T19:45:00.000+10:00Damn, styley. That sounds really tough. But I hope...Damn, styley. That sounds really tough. But I hope you don't get offended by my saying that you wrote about this all with amazing grace and humor, and even though it's not necessarily a good time for you, you're still funny.Ianquihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03268223727887685830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-55496606788692781252007-05-21T17:28:00.000+10:002007-05-21T17:28:00.000+10:00First: I am totally going to say that in exactly t...First: I am totally going to say that in exactly those words. Then while she is busy consulting a dictionary I'll run away and hide.<BR/><BR/>Second: That is pretty much the awesomest idea ever. I'm giggling out loud.<BR/><BR/>Third: She watched the film "Liar Liar", which is hardly representative of American arts and culture.<BR/><BR/>Fourth: No, wait, THAT is the awesomest idea ever. I might just do that.<BR/><BR/>Fifth: I've just gone and got myself a short membership for the YMCA gym and I'm going to explain I have to go there for two hours a day to make the membership worthwhile. I spent three hours there today: one in the gym, one working in the cafe there, and one walking there and back. THAT is how I'm going to survive :)<BR/><BR/>Sixth: Geekman is trapped in Australia due to arcane regulations relating to people waiting for residence permits. I.e. he has no visa. <BR/><BR/>Seventh: No. Supposedly my mother can manage on her own for a couple of hours a day, and she will be able to do much more for herself by the end of the week. By next week she may even be able to drive herself places again. (Until the chemo starts, anyway.) So life should get easier soon. Plus, see #5.StyleyGeekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10287051608503966129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-19127165572199152402007-05-21T12:23:00.000+10:002007-05-21T12:23:00.000+10:00I had other things I was going to comment on:First...I had other things I was going to comment on:<BR/>First, constipation is an extremely common side effect of surgery - it happens to everyone! The need, thus, to complain about it is obviated due to its ubiquity -- and I suggest you tell her exactly that! :)<BR/><BR/>Second, next time she complains about whinging poms, either imagine a whinging pomegranate or a whinging fluffy puppy dog. Maybe that'll help.<BR/><BR/>Third: Which american show was she listening to?<BR/><BR/>Fourth: I suggest you put each task you need to do on a separate post it note, and when people come by and ask what they can do to help, just peel a few off and hand it to them. Then you just say, "Ta, you're a dear" and take a nap.<BR/><BR/>Fifth: ANOTHER two and a half weeks? I have no idea how you will survive. Seriously, if it comes down to it and you end up doing something rash, know that no jury of your peers would blame you. <BR/><BR/>Sixth: Is geekman coming at all to come help you? That's supposed to be one of the key roles of partners/spouses - to provide a buffer between you and the parental units. <BR/><BR/>Seventh: Is welfare paying for respite care for you at all? Seriously, you'll need it - and maybe some good drugs too.shrinkykittenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02621222815636493783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-86564644852845723592007-05-21T08:52:00.000+10:002007-05-21T08:52:00.000+10:00Thanks everyone. You can't imagine how much of a ...Thanks everyone. You can't imagine how much of a relief it is to hear that feeling conflicted and irritated is (at least relatively) normal.<BR/><BR/>Thanks George for the tip. Btw, my mother's cancer is (hopefully) not incurable: just fairly aggressive and spreading. It's my grandmother's cancer that is incurable. (My family is complicated!)<BR/><BR/>Shrinky, Lucy is right. And it is almost never used in a polite way :) I am here for another two and a half weeks. And she does have a large network of friends: it's just that I am scared of interacting with people I don't know, so phoning them up and asking them to do stuff seems worse than just doing it myself. Also, given the choice, Mum prefers family to deal with financial stuff, or anything especially personal. When I am in Australia, though, it is good to know she can rely on them to help her out.StyleyGeekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10287051608503966129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-23485094894093269282007-05-21T04:48:00.000+10:002007-05-21T04:48:00.000+10:00Shrinky, a pom is an English person.Styley, it sou...Shrinky, a pom is an English person.<BR/><BR/>Styley, it sounds like a very difficult situation. I think I would be in a very similar position if my mum got sick. Take care of yourself!Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09150532491859766021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-37184569034316147562007-05-21T03:12:00.000+10:002007-05-21T03:12:00.000+10:00It sounds very complicated and difficult. I totall...It sounds very complicated and difficult. I totally get that speaking to strangers about personal and emotional issues is difficult but I think that is more about their need to feel helpful than for any genuine help for you.<BR/><BR/>You sound amazingly rational about all of this.<BR/><BR/>Hang in there and we're thinking about you.DrOtterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15428353654954650053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-13160253909311743182007-05-21T02:05:00.000+10:002007-05-21T02:05:00.000+10:00You are blogging this, so you have a need to get i...You are blogging this, so you have a need to get it out of your system. Can't imagine it is easy.<BR/><BR/>Stop by the group that I moderate and see how others are dealing with their diagnosis, btw, an incurable cancer at that. May be insightful.<BR/><BR/>George<BR/>Group Admin & MCC Survivor<BR/><BR/>http://groups.google.com/group/merkelcell<BR/><BR/>P.S. I have also lived in Germany (twice) and Denmark (four years) and now reside in the America's.George, Group Adminhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04782383736396948046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-82806422915598081312007-05-21T01:47:00.000+10:002007-05-21T01:47:00.000+10:00Re: Bullet #1 - I totally understand. I went thro...Re: Bullet #1 - I totally understand. I went through that when my mother was in the hospital (and still now that she has not fully recovered). I spent the whole time feeling conflicted and just generally icky. But after talking to others, it seems this is a fairly normal response? My mom went through it in caring for her mother too.bettyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07699981826403872633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-83207079391416119642007-05-21T01:37:00.000+10:002007-05-21T01:37:00.000+10:00Styley, I'm so sorry you're confronted with all th...Styley, I'm so sorry you're confronted with all this. My thoughts are with you.Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-20790660164174363182007-05-20T23:52:00.000+10:002007-05-20T23:52:00.000+10:00First of all, what's a pom?? Here in the US it is...First of all, what's a pom?? Here in the US it is either half a pom-pom (cheerleader thingamabob), a pomegranate juice, or a dog (pomeranian).<BR/><BR/>Second, I wholeheartedly agree that taking care of a parent - or dealing with emotional reactions to potential loss - is indeed much harder when the relationship is complicated. Sure, these aren't easy for anyone - but when you have difficulties in the relationship, it can make it so much worse (and this is clearly demonstrated in the research). Plus it often seems like you are in the mothering position much of the time - even when she isn't ill - so this likely compounds resentment you feel at other times. <BR/><BR/>This is one good thing about living thousands of miles away from one's mother - I simply *can't* do things for her - which has forced her to find sources of social support in her area. Now she has enough of a social network that if something happens, lots of other people can step in. But it also sounds like your mother knows tons of people, and yet you are the one she depends on for seemingly just about everything. And that's not fair to you at all. <BR/><BR/>How much longer are you staying there? You don't have to do everything for her, you know. She does have other people who can help her. Sometimes it takes saying no to get people to start relying on themselves and others more. Yes, she's ill - but you are important too.shrinkykittenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02621222815636493783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20717535.post-7905018680583307832007-05-20T23:34:00.000+10:002007-05-20T23:34:00.000+10:00Re bullet #1 - I think all carers have similar exp...Re bullet #1 - I think all carers have similar experiences, even if it's someone you usually get along with. My mother spent the better part of 5 years caring for my grandmother who had Huntington's Disease, and whenever she speaks about the experience there's always a glimpse of the residues of that inner conflict.<BR/><BR/>I hope things calm down a bit from now on!Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04430929897067877179noreply@blogger.com