Tuesday, February 12, 2008

This is going to be interesting

The wedding that I am going to be bridesmaid at on Saturday (the whole reason I am currently in NZ) is rather unconventional in many ways. One of which is that the whole thing is a Pagan ceremony held in a circle of rocks, and another (probably not unrelated) is that it is being held in a paddock on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere.

The only bridge leading to this paddock-on-top-of-a-mountain-in-the-middle-of-nowhere was washed away in a storm yesterday.

It would be fine if I hadn't just exaggerated slightly and if all there was to this wedding venue were a paddock-on-top-of-etc. Because then we could just move the ceremony to a different paddock on a slightly lower mountain on the side of the no-longer-present bridge that is closest to the city the bride and groom are coming from. Of course, this would screw things up for their families, who are coming from the other side of the mountain, but at least the wedding could go ahead.

Unfortunately 20 minutes along a bush track from the paddock-where-we-are-holding-the-wedding-no-matter-what, there is the hotel that has been booked out for the wedding guests, the hall in which the dinner is taking place, and all the catering. And all of this, not just the paddock, is on the wrong side of the bridge that is no longer there.

The bride is having a little bit of a hissy fit.

I suppose, as bridesmaid, I should be sorting things out for her. But really, what can you do? I'm not about to go and rebuild the bloody bridge myself. She wants me to ring the hotel and demand that they send people down to the river to "put planks across it" or something. But I don't think it's THAT sort of river.

Hmmm...

11 Comments:

Jana said...

There are only two things I can think of. One of them isn't going to get you help very quickly, and the other is going to be expensive.

First, try contacting DOC to see how big a problem the washout is and whether they could do a rush job (with your help).

Secondly, and this will solve the problem and be possible to organise but won't be cheap, hire a helicopter. If you're serious about this option, get in contact with me via mail and I can give you some organisational ideas.

Weekend_Viking said...

If I was there, I could build you a bridge. However, I think I managed to piss N. off enough during our acquaintance that I'm not on the guestlist :-)

At least it didn't get washed out while you were at the ceremony, thus cutting you off from the reception and the food.

jokerine said...

Sounds interesting. I don'T get how her familie and the hotel can be on the other side, but there be no way to go around. Cann'T you drive to the next bridge?

Jana said...

What's the water level like, and would a Land Cruiser do it? You could probably get Toyota to hire you some, they sit quite high, and they can take a beating.

Anastasia said...

can you just form a procession and ford the stream together as part of your communion with nature?

Badaunt said...

Oh, I think everybody should row across. They should all sing, "Michael row the boat ashore, Hallelujah!" and there should be trumpets. (I'm not sure why trumpets. They just seem appropriate.)

I'm picturing the entire party wearing wedding finery and gumboots, mud up to their knees, and brandishing paddles while dancing a pagan dance.

There may be some casualties, and it may not be quite what the bride dreamed of, but it would be memorable.

Ianqui said...

Oh, I like Anastasia's suggestion. Hiring boats isn't a bad idea either. Or maybe the hotel does have an idea, because otherwise, they're going to lose business (unless the contract they signed has a "not responsible for acts of God" clause).

Pilgrim/Heretic said...

Another vote for Anastasia's suggestion; it's definitely in keeping with the spirit of the whole thing.

On the more practical side, does the hotel have a nice yard or something where they can do the ceremony? Is there something particularly significant about the paddock, or would they settle for generic outdoors (perhaps along the banks of the bridgeless river)?

StyleyGeek said...

Jana - thanks for your suggestions, but I think a helicopter would blow their budget :) We are trying to find out about Toyotas, boats, water level, etc. I don't think the water level is usually bad, but after these storms, it got higher.

Badaunt - your idea is by far the best, especially the trumpets, and I shall put it to the bride forthwith. I imagine she is not averse to casulties (she's THAT sort of pagan). There will be gumboots, in any case. The track to the paddock is muddy and my bridesmaid outfit is long and pretty and cost $300.

Jokerine: imagine a long thin island, with high mountains running down the middle (the ones you saw in Lord of the Rings). The only way from one side to the other is over the mountains, or driving to the bottom of the country and coming up the other side (not practical - NZ isn't THAT small). The hotel and paddock are in the mountains, just off the pass road. The bridge that washed out also on the pass road, between us and the hotel. The bride's family lives on the other side of the mountains so probably don't have a problem.

So, Pilgrim/Heretic, we can't get to the hotel either.

An emergency planning session is taking place later today. I will report back, if at all possible.

grace said...

Perhaps a virgin sacrifice to pacify the river might help?

Jana said...

Styley, one thing just occurred to me - can the bridal party rent a van and drive up through the Lewis and down round to where you need to get to? Even chartering a bus would be less expensive (per person) than a helicopter! I know it would add a few hundred kms, but it *would* get you there.

Oh, and, Grace - it's not so much a virgin sacrifice that's called for to pacify the river, I think, as a river sacrifice to pacify the virgin...