Did anyone else feel like this, or am I just messed up?

I've been meaning to mention: I sorted out the formatting and cut some words from my draft, and handed it in to my committee on Friday. Handed it. In.

I don't think I ever really believed I would say those words. Admittedly this is still only step two of around six steps involved in really-and-truly finishing and graduating. (For those keeping score, I'll still have to get it back from my committee, make revisions they suggest, submit it officially, have it externally examined, make the revisions they suggest, submit a final bound copy for the library, and graduate.) But this part should still feel kind of conclusive, right?

So why on earth am I still sitting around feeling like I need to worry about it? Why do I still spend every evening with that sinking procrastinating feeling? When I could be spending endless hours reacquainting myself with my Sims families or charging through the Oblivion underbrush* on my faithful (though undead) steed? And why do I still feel that strange not-good-enough angst of the lost dissertater? Weren't these things meant to be over by now? (Except for the charging around on the undead steed bit.) Wasn't I meant to be celebrating? (Me and my undead steed with a large glass of gin and tonic?)

Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe it was the coversheet.

I printed the draft without a cover page. Without the acknowledgments or abstract, either, since I haven't written them yet, and in the template file I have as a placeholder, it just says, "I'd like to thank my lucky stars. And my cat, for not eating me." (I'm tempted to leave that as it is, but probably won't.) But when the 289 (single-spaced) pages of the dissertation finally lay there on my desk, it looked naked without a cover page.

So I went back and printed out the official front page as specified in the university format guidelines. The one that said the thesis title, my name, and then, "A thesis submitted for the degree of doctor of philosophy of [university name]. August, 2007." I put that on the front of my pile of pages, and then totally freaked the fuck out. Because it looked like a dissertation instead of like a pile of draft pages. I swear the coversheet was looking at me funny. (Kind of like a "Ha ha ha, you call that a dissertation?" funny.)

So I took it off again. And maybe that was my mistake.

___________

* "Charging through the Oblivion underbrush" sounds like it should be a euphemism for something. But I promise you, it isn't.

12th Carnival of GRADual Progress

With today's installment, the GRADual Progress carnival hits the one-year mark! Hooray!

Now for perhaps more sobering news. After a year, the carnival still seems to be averaging only three or four submissions. Also, a distinct lack of hosts. There have been six wonderful volunteers during the past year and I am very grateful to you all, but ultimately, that means I am hosting it one month in two. And I can imagine it will continue to be hard to find volunteers to host as long as the submissions are so few that hosting requires a lot of work to find posts as well as link to them.

Finally, I'm not going to be a graduate student much longer (graduation is finally in sight!) You can all see where this is going, can't you?

The GRADual Progress concept is up for grabs. It comes with a pre-made website and email account, should you wish to use these. You are welcome to do whatever you like to revive the poor thing. You can continue to run it as it has been run until now (good luck with that finding hosts thing), or change the format, frequency, whatever. If you want to be that person, please leave a comment here. Maybe several people might want to collaborate.

If I get no takers, we can always leave the website as a sort of permanent archive of grad-related posts, kind of like what Horace has recently put together, but from the student perspective.


Which brings me to this month's links

In a series that would go nicely in Horace's collection, Fabio at orgtheory.net has just written a set of posts on how to make it through grad school. I'm not going to link to all the older posts in the series, but the most recent three are on choosing your topic, other considerations for during the dissertation writing process, and finally, models for actually writing the dissertation. Jim Gibbon has kindly assembled links to the full set of posts.


There's been a lot of learning going around:

PhD Ladybug is exhausted and learning to establish boundaries.

Queen of West Procrastination is learning to allow herself to be human and is refocusing her academic self-image.

Ancrene Wiseass is learning to be herself.

EA is learning when to stop.

Kisha learns that there is a big gap between the metaphors of climbing a mountain and falling off a cliff.

Parts-n-pieces has learned an extreme strategy for making herself write.

Stewgad learns why you should avoid taking a decade to write your dissertation.


And some pondering:

The History Enthusiast wonders why we procrastinate. Her commentators have some ideas.

FemaleCSGradStudent wonders at the fact that moving from industry into academia didn't lose her the Dilbert-style managers.

Psycgirl writes a thoughtful post about losing her stride and finding it again.

Earth Wide Moth has a fascinating post about all the interrelated tasks that fall under the "canopy" of dissertating. Including staring off into the distance!

Turducken has some thoughts about the academic job market. Then there's the "most stereotypical PhD story ever". And don't miss the hilarious discussion of three different approaches to graduation!


And some suggesting:

The History Enthusiast reviews mind-mapping tools.

Academhack shares some fantastic "old-fashioned" academic tools.


And some milestones:

EA has finished writing up her participants' experiences.

Running Red Lettered passed her thesis defence.

Skookumchick turned in her Done Damn Dissertation Draft (DDDD). As did I!

Zelda has completed her minor revisions and her committee signed off on them.

WWW Mama may have found an exit-ramp from grad school that might just be an on-ramp to the rest of her life.

Finally, from the other side of the great divide, One Bright Star participated in her first defense as a professor on the student's committee.

Congratulations to all of us!

Geekman builds his own galactic empire

Geekman is being interviewed about his research tomorrow by a journalist. She says she is especially interested in its relevance to the everyday person, for example, the sorts of technologies that could come out of it. Given that what he does has absolutely no practical implications that could interest the average consumer*, he is a little concerned about what he's going to tell her.

So I thought that maybe you could all give him some suggestions. Believe me, knowing the area he works in will not help you come up with something, so you might as well let your imagination run totally wild.

If he doesn't get any better ideas, he is planning to tell her that with the results of his research we will be able to build a death star.

__________

* apart from the stuff they always write on grant applications that no one really believes in.

I win! I win!

Dr. Brazen Hussy thinks I'm awesome and funny. Which makes me feel a little guilty, because there hasn't been so much of the funny around here lately. I'm working on it. (But without amusing student anecdotes, I'm afraid, since I've just checked my enrolments list for the courses that start on Monday, and hello, regular blog reader! Nice to have you in my class!*)

Anyway, I had a point. What was it? Has anyone seen my point? I have the flu. No, wait, that was the point of the last post.

I am awesome. Yes. There's that train of thought. I am awesome and I won an award! Look, here it is:


It's even pink. And here are the sweet words that the Hussy said about me:

StyleyGeek - I freakin' love this girl and her blog. She is awesome. She is way funnier than I could ever hope to be, and she takes fantastic pictures and gives them even better captions.

I wonder if I can stick that somewhere on my sidebar as a celebrity endorsement? Dr BH is practically a celebrity. Or at least she should be. And not just because she thinks I'm cool, either. Damn, I've misplaced that train of thought again.

So now I get to nominate five other rocking girl bloggers. I don't know what the rules are about tagging someone who's been tagged already, but the speed this meme is working its way through the people I read, I think I'm only going to exclude people who were tagged in the line of the meme-tree that led to me. Otherwise we end up in this eternally branching universe where I spend the next ten years tracing who has been tagged and who hasn't, by which time the entire blogiverse has been tagged already.

It's still hard to restrict myself to only choosing five, though. Here goes.

Anastasia. Her posts actually have real topics. Like, thoughts and stuff. Way beyond the level of the amusing mind-fluff that most of mine aspire to. I totally admire the way Anastasia thinks, and the fact that she isn't scared to get out there and engage with reality, and with her commentators. Plus, she totally rocks as a grad student and isn't ashamed to admit it. That takes real strength of character (both the being and the admitting).

Badaunt. And not just because I want to promote my fellow countrypeople. Present Simple is the funniest blog out there. Almost every post makes me laugh out loud. When this blog posts, I happied every week! She is also the source of the best t-shirt idea of all time.

Lucy. Her blog is full of the sort of posts that I wish I could write. Insightful and honest. Her voice comes across as so real that it's impossible not to be drawn right in and want to be her friend. She also has awesome graphs. And if you think that's a lame thing to admire, then you have no idea how awesome they actually are. Finally, she's the one blogger I've met in person,** and guess what? She's just as awesome in reality.

Shrinkykitten. The universe keeps piling poo on her head (I've only linked to the most recent thing, but man, that woman has had a hard year), and yet she continues to be smart, interesting, and caring in spite of it all. That woman has spirit. (And talent.) Plus she has awesome taste in, well, everything, but also in comedy. And fashion.

Wolfangel. Her snark is my favouritest type of snark. Her writing style makes me smile even when it's about something sad. I am also envious of some of the post titles and category labels she comes up with. And she's good to kitties, beyond all call of duty. And she has the best recipes ever. Especially the bread.

You guys ROCK. (And so do the rest of you.)

____________

* Actually, it is nice to have you in my class, since you are a great student and all, but I'm sure you understand that this has just lowered the chances of me blogging about anything teaching-related to just under 0%.

** That is, apart from a certain person alluded to above, who I didn't know was a blogger when I used to teach him.

That explains it

This is presumably the answer to why the "read more" hack was doing weird shit. (Until I deleted its ass. Hah, that showed it!)

My mother doesn't understand biology, and incidentally, here's why I haven't blogged much this week

"Hi Mum. I'm sorry, I won't be able to talk for long because I have this wicked case of the flu and being out of bed for more than five minutes makes me cry."

"What are your symptoms?"

"It's just the usual flu symptoms. Aches, fever, chills, sore throat, eyeballs feeling like someone boiled them..."

"Are you sure you haven't got... what is it? What is that thing I worry about?"

"Meningitis. No, I haven't got meningitis. It's just the flu."

"Do you have a rash? Stiff neck?"

"I don't have meningitis. I know it's the flu because Geekman has just had it. He was sick for a week and then he got better. Also, his whole department has had it."

"Well, be careful. I've heard that germs can mutate. You might have started with the flu, but it could have mutated into meningitis."

"No, Mum, it couldn't have. That's not how it works."

"Why do you always act like you know everything? It's not attractive, you know."


I guess it's a good thing I already snared a man, then. I wonder if Geekman knows that intelligence isn't attractive, or if he just overlooked it in favour of my other qualities?

Today's Flappies (not the usual ones)

More photos

In honour of my grandmother's funeral today, I thought I'd post a few more of my favourite pictures of her. I especially like the one on the beach.

I wish I knew what years they were taken. I think the first two were in the early 1940s, but I don't know much beyond that.

Be very afraid

"Technology such as cloned part-robot humans used by organised crime gangs pose the greatest future challenge to police, along with online scamming, Australian Federal Police (AFP) Commissioner Mick Keelty says."

What have they been smoking?

Good things

• Flappy and Flappy came back! And I know they are the original Flappys, because as soon as I saw them on the balcony and went out there, they came charging over at full speed* to see what I had in my hand. And they ate without all the bitey bitey. I guess they must have just been on holiday for the past month.
• Red wine.
• Stationery.
• I'm going skiing (or, more likely, falling-on-my-arse-ing)! Woot!

________

* If you have never seen a cockatoo charging, you don't know what you are missing. It's a hilarious mix of hop-hop-hop and scuttle scuttle slide, with a bit of flap-hop-flap thrown in.

This is the way the thesis ends

(Not with a bang but a drinking.)

I think I kind of finished my dissertation. How weird is that? (See, I'm practising to be Australian).

I have to cut 8000 words, and make a few changes to the formatting, and there's a few extra things I could change if I'm enough of a perfectionist to care, but right now the bottle and a half of red wine that a friend and I just shared in celebration says don't bother.

I could hand it in as it is and I think it would be good enough.

How bizarre.

(PS: Flight of the Conchords is extra funny when you're durnk.)

Goodbye, Grandma

1923–2007

My mother is from another planet: example #4987

My mother is out of hospital and I've just spoken to her on the phone. The following two snippets from our conversation proved that she is already back to her old self:


Mum: "I just got my electricity bill for last month, and it's twice what I had budgeted for. I have no idea how I'll pay it."

Me: "Wow, why was it so high?"

Mum: "I don't know. It was cold, I guess, so I used a lot of heating. I have some good money news, though! Your father paid for the dog licence renewal, so I have the money I was saving for that still in my account, and once I'm feeling a bit better I'm going to use it to treat myself to dinner at a nice restaurant and to have a facial."

Me: "So it's enough to cover the power bill and a day out?"

Mum: "No. This is money for me to spend on myself. I'm sick! And everyone has to have fun sometimes... [Sigh]... I have no idea how I'll cover the power bill."

*************

Mum: "Have you spoken to your brother lately? I think there's something wrong with him. He's tired all the time. He should see a doctor."

Me: "Well, maybe it's just stress. Stress can make people really tired."

Mum: "Stress? Why is he stressed?"

Me: "He did just change jobs. And then there's the family stuff."

Mum: "What family stuff? What do you mean?"

Me: "It's only last year that you and Dad split up. Now you have cancer. Grandma is dying. That's enough stress for anyone!"

Mum: "Hmmm... When you put it like that, I suppose it might have affected him. I never thought that all these things might be hard on you guys as well... Do you really think these things might be upsetting him?"

How to break bad news

I just got a message from my brother that proves he is pretty much the worst ever at composing bad news emails. This is it in all its unedited splendour:

Hello!

Hope your well! Just phoned mum and she is in hospital with some kind of infection due to the chemo. If you haven't heard Grandma is also pretty much on her death bed. Mum said she cannot stand at all and it takes 2 people to lift her and she often cannot swallow her food but I'm sure you'll get the most up to date news as it comes thru.

But hows life outside of all this sickness and death? Things for me are pretty swell, works good by all accounts and I'll shortly be buying tickets to Melbourne for Christmas. You and [Geekman] are both still welcome to come have a big ol' family christmas if you'd like to and like before i offer you free accommadation and fun times as well!

But now I must go check my chocolate brownies before they burn! go wel, go Shell.

[Brother]

At least the style gave me something to laugh about, which almost counteracts the effect of the content. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought he did it on purpose.

Look what I found under a car...

Open letter to Linux/Beryl

Dear Linux,

Giving windows and desktop objects momentum and an editable friction constant is a very cool idea, but when I get bored with my thesis and start flinging open windows around my screen while my brain reboots itself, I would prefer my files not to slide right off the desktop into the Great Beyond.

Shouting, "Help! Help! Come back!" at them and waving my cursor a lot has, so far, been no substitute for a solution.

Yours sincerely,
StyleyGeek.

OMG!!! Kitties!

Did you know about this page that converts any RSS feed into cat macro format? It doesn't change the text into catspeak (sadly) but pairs it up with a kitty picture, which is sometimes incredibly appropriate!

These are some of the best ones it made from my blog feed:





And these ones were from the BBC news feed.

Can anyone explain why...

...the little "read more" thingy is showing up on ALL my posts? Even the ones where I haven't put it in?

(I've been using the "read more" hack for ages now, and haven't changed the code recently or anything. So how come it's acting funny?)

Updated to add: I took it out of the last post I had it in, and now it's gone from all the others too. So strange.

Sleepover!

Is there anything cuter than snoozing parrots? (You don't have to answer that.)

While we are posting pictures...

Look what happened to me today!

Before:




After:



It's a bit shorter than I was expecting, and I'm not entirely sure if I like it yet. But hey, it'll grow out.