Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Writing my grant proposal

Section E3: Describe how the aims and concepts of this research are innovative and significant.

What I write:
This project is full of innovation and significance! Oh yes indeedy! You'll be amazed! My aims are to discover a theory of everything and rule the world. In an innovative fashion. And this is significant because everyone likes world domination.

What I would like to write:
They just are. Okay?

Section E5: Explain how your project has economic, environmental or social benefits for Australia, and how it contributes to our National Research Priorities of defending against terrorism and conserving water.

What I write:
Blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit bullshit. No really, I mean it. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Linguistics relates to languages. And if everyone spoke lots of languages we'd all understand each other and there would be peace and love and happiness and unicorns would rule the earth and there'd be no more terrorism. Water for everyone!

What I'd like to write:
Actually, my project has no relationship to any of these priorities whatsoever, and do you really expect me to give a fuck about Australia's economic, environmental or social benefits? What do I look like, some kind of patriot?


WhatLadder said...

I have to confess, I lolled. I was in Australia in July, and I blogged about the weirdness of water propaganda. I had no idea it had pervaded such arcane corners.

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

Come on, you can do better -- If we all spoke a bunch of languages we'd be able to spot terrorists more easily (ummm... because we could either understand them as they have top-secret conversations in airport waiting rooms...).

Also, people speaking multiple languages would lead to one master language -- and as such, only one language would be necessary on instructions -- thus, every product manufacturer would be able to print a smaller booklet of instructions. This would save paper, which takes lots of water to produce....

CAE said...

I have a ton of grant deadlines coming up and might have to print this out as a handy reference guide. My boss will be so pleased.

Bardiac said...

And if we all understood the intricacies of language, we'd know how to magically end water shortages! Yeah! Like that! :)

Happy New Years, and good luck with the grant.

On second thought, your blog reading grant proposal... you know, that's GOT to have an anti-terrorist slant somehow, right?

Anonymous said...

You realise they want you to answer the same questions if you want to justify studying/get funded to study stars... There was a reason I didn't try that.

Though checking out the listing blurbs of those grants that did make it and how they manage to link such things in can be quite _impressive_


PS Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, since we have been lax in passing on such wishes. And good luck with moving.