A colleague of Geekman's, explaining how he "helps" his wife sleep:
"The problem is, there's this dog next door that barks and growls all night. My wife lies awake and gets angrier and angrier listening to it. So I tell her stories to help her out. Like, I tell her to imagine that we're camping, and the dog is guarding the perimeter of the camp, and the reason he's barking and growling is that there are monsters circling the camp trying to get in at us. But the dog is doing a great job of keeping them away. So then, when she hears the dog barking, she knows it's a sign that she's safe and it's okay to sleep."
Or, you know, it's a sign that there are monsters out there trying to kill her. And she'd better hope the dog doesn't go silent, because we all know what that means.
It's a good thing this guy doesn't have kids; that's all I can say.