Monday, December 17, 2007

This should get me some interesting hits on Google

I was checking my spam folder today to see whether some real mail had been mixed in with it by mistake, and couldn't help but marvel at the creativity of some of the subject lines. For your ease of reading, and because I really can't help myself (categorization is what typologists do), I have sorted them into types. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

The scary:

Enormous monster phallus is every woman's dream. (I think this one could really ought to provide references. Freud would do, at a pinch.)

The up-to-date:

Get your wife better stimulation in year 2008
Don't let them laugh at your willy in 2008

The simple yet surreal:


The WTF category:

Biggish Penis Anderson (the body text of this one is "Phallus Sizable Ryan")

The "this person needs a better outlet for their creativity" category:

Be a big success in the pants when you enlarge your dick.
Get the flag pole that counts!
Your sexual life will sparkle with brighter colors.
Grow an anaconda out of your trouser snake!

And this one, which I am repeating in full, because it has some sort of serene poetic quality that I can't ignore (yes, each sentence was on a different line. That kind of helped, I guess, since it made it look a little like haiku spam):

Do not be loser, change your aggregate size.
Your girl does not admire to do it with you for reason of your device size.
This is your possibility to solve the trouble.
All you have to do is just put to use our male machine enlargement.
You will forget about trouble and your chick will be glad.


Quelle Horreur said...

Wow - that last one. Just. Brilliant!
I want to cross-stitch it into a pillow!

Julep said...


For more spam haiku (and free verse) check out the
Anthology of Spam Poetry site.

grace said...

I would find these funny if I didn't get about 200 like them every day. :-(

As a woman, I'm pretty much immune to being told that my partner wishes I had a bigger penis (pretty sure that's not true!), but I do wonder how many men believe the spam. Especially the ones that claim that women's most sensitive parts are, uh, the most distant.

Guys, it's all bull, you know that, right???

Dorabella said...

A recent favorite: "Do you think it's okay to have an average-sized cock?" (I didn't bother to open it to see if the implied "CAUSE IT'S NOT!!!" was spelled out in the email body.)

One from last year that I saved for its wtf value: "Would you like to be a father of the whole kindergarden? Try Spermamax and your sperm will be amazingly productive." This is supposed to be appealing?