I know what they're up to

Sitting proudly on every desk in the country, they sneer scornfully down their monitors at us. Puny humans, they think to themselves, they dare to pretend to know what time it is. What time zone they're in. Bah! What arrogance!

The computers are smarter than us, faster than us and much, much better connected. Now, finally, they have tipped their hand and taken the first step on their mission to wrest control of the world from the humans they despise so much.

This year, because of the Commonwealth Games, Australia gets an extra week of daylight saving time before we switch the clocks back. Which now happens next Sunday. Except that the computers don't like changes to their routine and have stubbornly dug their heels (powercables?) in.

On the Sunday just been, I came in to do a few hours' work at university. I told Geekman I'd be home by 6:30, so left the office when my computer clock showed 6:20. Which turned out to be 7:20, because computers know best and daylight saving should have ended. Thus saith Microsoft.

On Monday morning I set the computer clock (at my exciting new government job) forward by an hour, so that it was no longer wrong. When I wasn't looking it changed itself back.

We continued this battle of wills on and off all day, my computer and me. Finally I realised that the only way I was going to get any peace was to convince it we had moved countries. So I made a few jet-engine noises to support the illusion, then scrolled through the available list of countries and settled on New Caledonia. Nice and balmy. Good food. Good wine. And most importantly, the time in New Caledonia is the time my computer should be displaying for Australia right now.

That'll show it.

But still my computer sneers at me. Now it is requesting unreasonable Microsoft updates. I think it's got all suspicious because no one around it is speaking French and it's trying to contact the mothership for further instructions.

Don't say I didn't warn you.