Charming

My mother had an extremely irritating visitor this morning. In the first twenty minutes this friend was there, I answered the door, found a vase for flowers, took two phone messages, brought up cups of tea, brought in the washing, hung out a second load of washing*, tidied the kitchen. Then I came back upstairs and sat down at the computer to work on my thesis.

Five minutes later, I overheard this from their conversation:

Mum: "This house is such a mess.** And I feel bad asking StyleyGeek to tidy it for me. She is doing her best."

Friend: "You shouldn't feel bad about getting her to do it. It's not like she's busy. She's just sitting there at the computer the whole time. You mustn't be afraid of asking for what you need. You are the one with cancer."

Mum: "Well... No, you're right. Really you are. I need to learn to voice my needs better."

Friend: "Quite right. You've given and given and given to your children while they are growing up. At some point they need to turn around and start giving something back."

Ten minutes after that, I was out watering the back garden when the friend came and tackled me. "I'm leaving now," she said. "I'll show myself out, shall I?"

"Oh, sorry, do you know the way? Let me walk you round to the front." I realised Mum must have sent her home because it was only half an hour before we needed to leave for her appointment at the hospital.

"Now, StyleyGeek, your mother is resting now. Don't go disturbing her, will you? Much as I'm sure you like to chat with her, she needs her sleep. And she says she has to go out soon and do some errand. Perhaps that might be something you could do for her, just to help her out?"

_________

* I have always wondered why my mother, living on her own, ends up doing washing every single day, while Geekman and I between the two of it, only do a load once a week or so. Helping out here has solved that mystery. First of all, she never wears anything a second time without washing it. She washes the towels and tea towels every day as well. Even pajamas don't get worn two nights running. She separates delicates, lights, darks, wools, etc, so often has several loads per day. Secondly, every morning she decides before she gets up what she is going to wear that day, and doesn't cope at all well if that item isn't available to be worn. Today, for example, she only had one shirt and a pair of socks in the washing basket (I didn't wash her whites yesterday, since there was only that), but she had decided she wanted to wear the shirt. When she found out it was still in the dirty washing basket, she realised she couldn't wear it today, but it had to be washed immediately so that her plans couldn't be thwarted in this way again.

I think this also explains why she owns so many clothes. (Like, four pairs of pajamas, eight nightgowns and three dressing gowns, just to mention her sleepwear.)

** The house is not a mess at all by anyone's definition. I vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom yesterday. I have tidied every day. The dishes are always done immediately after every meal. The only clutter is the flowers and cards on every surface, and admittedly there were two coffee cups I hadn't cleared away.