My Mum (to the tune of My Guy/My Girl)

(Cross-posted in the comments at Phantom Scribbler's Wednesday Whining)

Nothing you could say
Could keep me sane
Around my mum (my mum)
Nothing you could do
Because I'm stuck here like glue
With my mum (my mum)

If there's two chocolates left, who would take them both?
It's my mum (my mum)
If there's noise in the street, who's certain it's a thief?
It's my mum (my mum)

Today I stuck 27 stamps to letters
Washed dishes, watered plants,
And tried not to hit her
She blames my cooking when she farts
But I haven't torn her apart (it's illegal) (illegal)

I've got laundry to do on a cloudy day
And it's cold inside
Heating's too much to pay (for)
I guess you say
What will make me feel this way?
My mum, talking bout my mum.