If the academic blogs I read got together and created their own university

• English literature would be the largest and most powerful field.
• Available courses would also include such exotic offerings as "musical basket-weaving" and "complexification theory as applied to hairdressing".
• Some professors, despite having an office and students, would nonetheless manage to keep their real name and what they worked on completely secret.
• There would be a ratio of approximately 50 grad students to each tenured professor. And no one would ever finish their dissertation.
• Most science lecturers would talk about hard science... but the humanities professors would spend at least 30 percent of the lecture time discussing their cats.
• Reviews and evaluations would mostly read, "You rock! What you say is so true!" with the occasional disgruntled, "OMG U SUCK LOL!1!!1"
• Committees and informal discussions would consist of a mixture of professors, grad students, undergrads, members of the general public, and random people who hid under the table causing trouble and wouldn't tell you their names.
• Everyone would install top-of-the-range spy cameras outside their offices so they could track how many people had dropped by while they were out.
• People would spend hours painting their office doors elaborate colour schemes in order to attract the maximum number of visitors, and would then hide behind the locked door to see whether or not it worked.
• There would be some awesome end-of-semester parties.