There are few things worse than the feeling of dread when, half asleep and all snuggly warm, you move a foot and come across an unexpected, alien thing in your bed. Whether it is squishy or pointy, wriggling or motionless, your mind always jumps to the worst possible conclusion.
And sometimes you are right.
Before I list all my exciting discoveries over the years, I have to point out that most of these things are even weirder given that I am a total neat-freak about my bed. I like to keep the covers smooth. I don't eat or work in bed. The only things I ever do there are sleeping, reading, and that thing that married couples who love each other very much are allowed to do together—whispering secrets under the covers until the early hours of the morning. So I have no idea how most of these things ever made it past my OCD-bed-immaculateness radar.
That said, I give you...
Things I have found in my bed:
- an earplug
- an alarm clock (obviously I was trying to smother it to death)
- a turd (not mine)
- a spider
- a nacho
- a dead pigeon
- maggots (point of origin: #6)
- a clothes-peg
- my gym membership card. (This one was inside the duvet cover and very confusing.)