Saturday, March 24, 2007

Not the most embarrassing underpant story after all, I guess*

I just read something on someone else's blog that left me with an overwhelming urge to tell the whole internet** about my underpants. Why? Because I'm drunk, that's why.

So anyway. I'm going to tell you (that's all of you, including my ex-student who reads here—Hi! Just deal!) about my most embarrassing underpant moment.


I was in New Zealand, staying for a couple of days in a tiny, very pretty town in the middle of nowhere, known only for its thermal pools. Because no one in my family has any money, we were doing the trip marae-style: Geekman and I, my mother, my mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother-in-law all sleeping on mattresses on the floor of the local church hall. (I don't think that's relevant. But it adds atmosphere.)

So the first morning we are there, my mother, Geekman and I are getting ready to go to the thermal pools. The in-laws have decided instead to go on a healthy walk in the bush, as you do when you are healthy, energetic Swedes. Soaking in warm water all day is for the Lower Races, like the French or Germans or something. (I don't think that's relevant either. But I am drunk. I have excuse. )

The point is, as we are all standing in the church hall getting our shit together, in-laws and all, my mother says in front of everyone, loudly, "StyleyGeek, are you going to get changed at the pools?"
"No," I reply, "I have my togs on under my clothes. I'll just strip off."
"So you are taking your underwear in your bag?"
I look shifty. All I am carrying is a towel. "No."
"So, you are wearing your underwear over your togs?"
"Does Geekman have your underwear in his bag?"
"No." Exuding please stop asking now vibes at this point.
"Surely you aren't planning to put your wet togs back on under your clothes when you leave? You'll catch cold!"
"You aren't going to walk back here afterwards just in your togs and towel, are you?"
By now EVERYONE is extremely interested in this conversation.
"Well, I don't understand," says my mother, perplexed. "What are you going to do about your underwear?"

Finally I give in to Fate and admit through gritted teeth to my entire extended family, "I'm. not. going. to. wear. any."

And I never heard the last of it. (My favourite comment was from my mother-in-law: "Can one actually do that?")

The End.


* Please to share a better one in the comments.

** Firefox's spell check tells me that "blog" and "internet" are words that don't exist. Oh, the irony.


jo(e) said...

That dialogue is hilarious.

wolfa said...

When my sister was little -- just toilet trained, whatever age that was -- we were on vacation somewhere in South America, and my mother asked my father to get her dressed. (Years later, my father put my other sister to bed still wearing her bib.)

And so, she came out in a pretty dress and sandals.

Once we were well away from the hotel, in full sight of everyone, my sister pulled up her dress and said "Look mommy! I'm not wearing any underpants!"

I do not have any amusing underpants stories of my own, alas.

Mel said...

Please explain to an ignorant American what togs are? I'm assuming some sort of bathing suit/bikini garment?

As for underpants stories: My fiance often "goes commando" under his clothes. Just his style. Sadly this was the way he was 'dressed' when we went to buy him a new suit, which required him to put on the suit pants and then stand there while he was measured in them with nothing on underneath.

We bought him some underwear after that.

Weekend_Viking said...

I don't think I have any particularly embarrasing underpants stories, but one of my brothers once miscalculated on the sizing of a slinky green velvet bodysuit he made for a Kaos themed party, and had the entire crotch seam rip and drop his goods out, while on the dancefloor...

StyleyGeek said...

Those are all excellent stories.

Mel: togs is the generic word for bathing suit in New Zealand. I often forget it isn't used everywhere. Australians have lots of different words for them, which confuses me greatly (swimmers, cossies, bathers, etc).

JustMe said...


and thanks for the togs explanation.

RageyOne said...

Oh my gosh! That is so funny. LOL!

I've noticed that blogger spell check doesn't think the word "blog" exists either. It is rather ironic. Go figure.

Helen said...

Great story. But Ann Richards one-upped you:

Badaunt said...

The one and only serious accident I ever had involved a highly embarrassing underwear fiasco. That morning it had been very cold, and I was cycling, and ... I blame Japanese women, who have short legs. I cannot find tights that fit me here. So I wore trousers, and borrowed my partner's long johns to wear underneath. They were old, saggy long johns, but wonderfully warm.

At the hospital the doctor wanted to check my knee, which had been banged up, and I suddenly remembered the long johns.

"Oh, I'm sure my knee is FINE," I said. "It's NOTHING. Just a bruise. Really!"

But he insisted.

(At least they were clean.)

These days I wear footless tights, and cover the ankle gap with socks.