Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm an imposter, you're an imposter, we're all imposters together

A chance run-in with a member of my committee:

He says, "Hey, have you read [new book in the library]? I think it might be useful for your thesis."

I hear, "Are you actually doing any work lately?"

True answer, "Right now I'm trying not to read anything that might make me feel stupid."

My actual reply, "Yes, I heard about it and I plan to read it. But it's in [X framework], which I'm not very familiar with, so it's going to be hard going."

He says, "Have you thought about learning [X framework]? Do you think it would be a helpful perspective for your topic?"

I hear, "This theory is important! Why don't you already understand it?"

True answer, "It's hard. I don't like it."

My actual reply, "Maybe... I did think about using it, but I wasn't sure the payoff would be worth the time spent learning a whole new theoretical framework."

He says, "What framework are you using?"

I hear, "You DO HAVE a framework, don't you?"

True answer: "I kind of scrounged one up on the basis of whatever overlap there is between the framework I used for my MA and the framework my supervisor uses, then removed any theoretical stuff that seemed too hard."

I reply, "I'm kind of basing it on [Y framework], but trying to make it accessible to people working in different theories." (People like YOU, for instance).

He answers, "Is that the same framework as [main supervisor]'s?"

I hear, "Did you just make that up?"

True answer, "Yes, I just made it up."

I reply, "Not really. But there's enough in common between the two that we are doing fine."

And his final comment, showing he saw through the entire thing: "You know, sometimes you just have to write in whatever framework you are most comfortable with and then make up some plausible sounding justifications to put in the introduction."

9 Comments:

Rebecca said...

Yes but, more importantly, he signaled that it was okay! Cool for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh poor baby - that sounds so totally anxiety provoking! Did you walk away and collapse into a heap?

Vinny said...

Don't you love it when you're sure you are the biggest doofus around, and then you find out the others are jsut doofuses (doofi?) who talk a good game?

Anonymous said...

This is such a classic grad student - member of committee interaction! I just love how you interpret everything to be as negative as possible. It's what we all do! I can even take the briefest of expressions as it flickers across my advisor's face and create a negative tirade out of it. But in the end it sounds like he said something understanding and even...wow...nice!

sheepish said...

What he really meant: You know, nobody really understands those frameworks. We all just kinda make stuff up and BS our way through. Carry on!

StyleyGeek said...

I love Wolfa's interpretation! And thinking back to the conversation, that could definitely be what was going on!

And sheepish is right too, I think.

Turtlebella, this guy actually is very nice. I just get nervous when instead of his usual strategy of talking at me for an hour while I sip coffee and nod knowingly, he actually asks me questions that might have a right or wrong answer.

(Case in point: a few days ago he comes running into my office and says, "Have you heard the news? There's a paper about to come out with convincing evidence for a genetic relationship between the Athapaskan languages and a European language. Guess which one!" And then he made me take three guesses, each of which was wrong and made him look that little bit more disappointed in me.)

Shrinky -- it only provoked anxiety until the last sentence, which made me walk away and collapse in giggles.

Rebecca and Berniera -- exactly!

StyleyGeek said...
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StyleyGeek said...
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StyleyGeek said...

Excuse all the comment deletions, but this post just got linked to by IHE and is getting visitor-bombed, and I don't want to be the first online source breaking the news mentioned in those comments. Especially if I didn't get the details right.